January 2012
2 tags
i’m gonna go put on my high heels and eat some chips
i’m probably spending this new years eve alone
5 tags
whenever i talk to someone who is passionately...
republican: How could you even like Obama? He's a threat to our nation and doesn't even care about the job creators!
me: Well, I---
republican: You think abortion is okay? It's immoral, the bible says so, and the bible also says "man shall not lie with another man." It's an abomination!
me: What I'm trying to say is----
republican: You don't believe in God? I don't understand how you don't believe in God, or go to church! Weren't you raised to believe in morals? How could you say there is no God?
me: Okay, I need to leave before I smash your ignorant face in
and that's pretty much how it happens.
Please tell me I'm not the only person on earth...
when I’m not shipping him with myself that is.
6 tags
this is how it's gonna go if i decide to have...
child: mom, I have something to tell you....
me: what's up?
child: I'm...I'm STRAIGHT.
me: WHAT?!
child: i'm straight! i like girls!
me: but what about all those sex and the city marathons? did they mean NOTHING to you?!
child: pretty much, mom.
me: *gasp*
child: i just couldn't get into it. i'm more into cars, sports, that stuff.
me: *gasp again* how dare you! get out of my house and give me back all the designer clothes i bought you!
child: FINE! THEY ALL SAID "GAY SON" ON THEM ANYWAY!
me: BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE GAY!
do you guys wanna see “slutty” bethany?
i have to go take a goddamn shower already. the...
December 2011
I honestly don’t understand how people find boyfriends/girlfriends
Like it seems like some people just somehow
Fall into relationships just like
Oops I tripped into a pit of writhing bodies and one got velcro’d to me
Is that how you do it
Anonymous asked: You are so pretty, holy shit.
3 tags
seriously,
i am so excited to see everyone i love tonight.
gah.
^shut up. stop being more popular than me, bitch.
you know what?
my best friend in the entire world is coming over tonight and we are getting all dressed up to sit in my house, drink cheap champagne and watch sex and the city all night.
that is what i call a quality night
